Sometimes I can only see the end in hindsight. I look back and realize that it's been years since I've seen a particular face or walked into a familiar space. When the memory of the last time I saw that person or place hits, I accept that it was most likely a goodbye viewing that may never happen again. Like all those "stay cool, keep in touch, see ya around" entries scribbled onto the pages of my senior yearbook from friends that I never did see again.
At other times, I know that the end is coming before it happens.
I've spent a lot of hours cleaning up and clearing out the house we lived in for the past two years. As I pack up each room, I can't help but think of all of the events that happened in those spaces.
This is the house that my husband rented for us when he got this job two years ago, an unbelievable upgrade from our small two bedroom dwelling of the previous nine or so years. He was so excited to show me our home for the first time. I was, too.
He had gone to the house a few hours ahead of me to unload the truck. I followed him up that evening, leaning forward in my seat in an attempt to read the little green street signs in the darkness. It's amazing how just one wrong turn could take me so completely off course. But I found the house eventually. Every light was on, and people were walking in and out of the glowing front entryway with large boxes in their arms.
My husband and I met each other with huge grins. The kids piled out of the car and proceeded to run around the house in excitement. Life was good!
This is the house where my daughter, my oldest, stared school.
I had a great time
decorating these spaces.
This is the house where I muddled through some long, painful, lonely times.
Yes, Jillian Michaels, I'm glaring at you!!
This is the house where my youngest was born.
This is the house where I ate at a Sonic for the very first time, in an attempt to see what all the hoopla was regarding those cherry limeades. But really, it was the availability of diet Dr. Pepper that sold me. Oh, and the mozzarella sticks.
This is the house where my blog was created. Somehow, in all of the recent commotion, I failed to realize that my two year blogaversary was two weeks ago.
I'm sorry, blog. I didn't mean to forget.
It surprises me that I have as much emotional attachment to this place as I do to our old apartment, considering how much less time I spent here. But I had a really hard time closing the door as I left this weekend. How is it possible that I will never again walk down those halls that I have become so familiar with, that I learned to navigate in the middle of the night when responding to a crying child? Will I truly never set the table there again, or celebrate another holiday? Not to mention the friends I'm leaving behind!!
It feels like I'm on vacation here at the new house, and at some point, I'll be returning home.
But I just came from home, and it's empty and lonely there.
As the day wore on and the to-do list at the old house shrank, I couldn't stop thinking about the inevitability of the end. I felt a strong desire to stay there. My lonely house needed a friend. But my family and a new house were waiting for me. I had to break it off with the old place.
Goodbye, house. I'll miss you. I hope you find a new friend soon.
See ya around, stay cool! Keep in touch!